arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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