i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
