I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
