There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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