awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
