I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
