how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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