I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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