Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
