i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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