My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
