dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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