Pappa wants mamma naked
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
