The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
