I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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