Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
