Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
