My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
