Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
