6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this boner is exhausting
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
