we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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