Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am puke
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
