it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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