is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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