she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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