You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
