listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
