Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
