I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
