Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
