i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
