just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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