Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
