i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
