Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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