Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's blow job season.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
