He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
