Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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