he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
