North Korea, Best Korea!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
