Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
