they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
