I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
