We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
