i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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