Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
