I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We got so high we made milksteak
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
