it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
