I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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