when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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